My motivation to begin writing was a result of observing that parents were becoming overwhelmed with an over abundance of parenting advice input and specifically trying to choose a “right” way to parent.
I suggest bespoke parenting as the way to go as individualizing for your child’s growth and change is necessary as the person they are becoming evolves. Your young toddler who responded to a sticker chart for behavior modification won’t respond favorably if bribed as a preschooler.
Bribery has negative connotations though you’re fooling yourself if you don’t categorize stickers and rewards for actions as bribery. There’s a place for these things. They’re felt externally, achieve a goal and are one strategy for the parenting toolbox.
Another strategy for behavior modification for a child who is developing logical thinking, reflection and confidence, is character building.
A start is to look for books with characters who have overcome obstacles. Topics such as sharing, including others in play and practicing to master a skill are a good start.
Allow your child to try something new and then “debrief” your child. “Great effort.”( If indeed it was) “What did you enjoy?”, “When you try again I bet you’ll progress and accomplish even more of (the activity)”
What could change to make an activity more fun or successful? Or is this pursuit not the right match for your child’s temperament? Trying something more than once is necessary to evaluate the “fit.”
Fun, new things, if approached appropriately will give a child a sense of accomplishment, self confidence and an attitude of, “Sure, I’ll try it!”
Not every activity is for every child. Once again, kowing the person your child is developing into is challenging yet key.
Balance, as always, comes into play. Expectations need to be realistic. Support, verbal and physical, needs to be authentic and sincere. If something is not going to work out, ok. Not completing something after sincere effort is a learning situation and can create coping mechanisms, a base for future problem solving skills.
We can only do our best and remember to give ourselves a break along the way!
